To Our Baby Girl

 

Dear Baby Girl, my sweet Dorian, 

Twenty-five years ago today, you were born into Heaven. My heart died that day right along with you. I prayed for you, to have you, to hold you. I wanted you so desperately. I only had you long enough to know that He heard my prayers and then you were gone. Born asleep, never to know the pain that this life holds, but to also never know my complete love for you, which grieves me to this day. 

What would you have been like? Would you have had my eyes, my hair? Would you have liked to watch the birds, too? Would you have been a bashful beauty? Or, would you have been like your daddy, blue eyes, a sense of humor, an outgoing personality, and able to speak in public? These are things I will never know. 

What I am sure of is that you would have loved to read, just as your sisters and brothers do. I think that you would have loved My Little Pony, too. Maybe. The others are three against one on that one. 

On this day of I miss yous and what would have beens, I wanted to let you know that you are still very much a part of my heart. The two weeks of grief that I was allowed to have and still be considered normal and not a mental case are long past. Saying good-bye to you has become a part of who I am. You are not here. I won’t see you again until Heaven, however long or short a time that may be. Until then, my heart cries for you. 

I love you, baby girl. Have a beautiful birthday up there with all of our family. Please hug the folks for me.  

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” –Washington Irving 

 Image Source: Pixabay

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Book Review: It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

Wow! It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine is an amazing book! It is one of the best books that I (Suzanne) have read on the topic of grief. It deals primarily with sudden, unexpected loss, but I believe it applies across the board. Losing a loved one is heart-wrenching, whether you know it is coming or not. But, when it happens unexpectedly, it puts it right in your face just how little control we have and how unpredictable life can be.

Reading this book was like meeting a new friend, one who understands how you feel because she has been there. She hasn’t been exactly where I’ve been, but she has had the rug pulled out from under her, too, and knows there’s no putting things back as they had been before.

Ms. Devine has helped me to not feel so alone in my unresolved grief. She knows it takes more than two weeks to grieve the loss of a loved one. Two weeks, two years, a lifetime, we don’t ever get over it. The loss becomes a part of who we are.

She has also taught me that how I have handled the grief of others, though my intentions were to try to comfort, did nothing but potentially cause more pain to the one suffering. I had no idea that when I shared my sorrow, in an effort to say “I understand,” it set up a grief competition of sorts and feelings of “This is about ME, not you. Why isn’t my grief important?”, and many other hurt feelings in the grieving person. I am working on changing the way that I deal with the grief of friends and acquaintances, in an effort to not cause further pain. I didn’t realize the effect my words were potentially having because I never took it as belittling my grief when others shared theirs.

This book is emotional, well-written, and the education in grief that we all need, most especially those in the mental health field.

If you have lost someone, if you have been expected to process it on their timeline instead of your own, you need this book, if for no other reason than to find someone else who truly understands your pain.

We give It’s OK That You’re Not OK five stars and then some. It is a great book and I am thankful to have had the opportunity to read it!

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.


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Book Review: A Better Place: A Memoir of Peace in the Face of Tragedy by Pati Navalta Poblete

A Better Place: A Memoir of Peace in the Face of Tragedy by Pati Navalta Poblete

We would love to say that A Better Place: A Memoir of Peace in the Face of Tragedy by Pati Navalta Poblete is an excellent “How to grieve” book. We can’t because there is no such thing.

What we can say is that the author takes us through the stages she went through while coping with the sudden loss of her son from a not so random armed robbery.

While reading this, I found that there would not have been one good thing to say to this woman in an attempt to comfort her. All of the go-to things that people say, and usually mean, seemed to make her mad.

No two people grieve in the same way. There is no such thing as “Getting over it.” Poblete has found a way to help her heal, at least somewhat. Perhaps by reading this book others will see that there is nothing wrong with them. Perhaps they can see that we all grieve in our own way. Some continue to grieve the loss of a parent thirty years later and may still feel it just as intensely as if it happened just yesterday. Others may lose a child at a very young age and show little grief on the outside just a few days after the loss. This does not mean they are not hurting.

A Better Place shows us that there might not be a right thing to say to some people while they are trying to find a new normal when there is no such thing for them as a new normal.

I think the big takeaway from this book is that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to not see the comfort offered by others. It is okay that the attempts at comfort offered by other people are not comforting to you. That doesn’t make them any less sincere. It just makes it okay for you to grieve in your own way and to heal, if possible, at your own rate.

We were sent a complimentary copy of A Better Place. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative. We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.  

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Book Review: Mockingbird Moments: A Memoir by Sharon Brown Keith

Mockingbird Moments: A Memoir by Sharon Brown Keith

Mockingbird Moments: A Memoir by Sharon Brown Keith was a trip down memory lane in a lot of ways.

The author reminisces about times with her father throughout her life. At the same time, she is working through the grief of losing him. It was easy to connect with this author as this is the stage of life in which I currently live.

Sharon’s emotions filled each page and brought out my own feelings of unresolved grief.

The big takeaway for me is that we all process grief differently, even those in the same family. The grief of losing a father is, in many ways, different for a daughter than for a son. No matter which we are, it impacts the rest of our lives.

I would recommend Mockingbird Moments to anyone that enjoys reading about the lives of others and learning just how much we all have in common. Whatever we’re dealing with, someone else is going through it, too.


We were sent a complimentary copy of this book. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.



Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Book Review: Softening the Grief By Joan E. Markwell, Janie Fields, Patricia Hollingsworth, and Susie McDonald

Softening the Grief

By Joan E. Markwell, Janie Fields, Patricia Hollingsworth, and Susie McDonald

Softening the Grief is a book written by and for women who have lost a child, and for those that love them and want to help them through such a heartbreaking time.

These women know, as I do, that the pain doesn’t stop just because the calendar ticks off two weeks or the friends stop coming by or calling. It is something that is in our hearts, a part of our being, until our own time comes.

This book lists many hurtful comments made by people that have not been there, that do not realize the hurt they are heaping upon an already broken heart. Suggestions for things to say instead of the usual “it happens to everybody” or “you have other children” are given. Most of the suggestions are good ones. A few, from my perspective, are just as hurtful as the original, unthinking comment.

These women and many others are members of a club that none of us wants to be in: The Bereaved Mothers Club. While Softening the Grief may be very helpful to those dealing with the loss of older and adult children, it doesn’t touch on the pain suffered by those who never got to know their children.  Those of us that have experienced miscarriage and stillbirth do not have memories of kindergarten or graduation or the other special moments with this child to lean back on. All we have is what might have been but never got a chance to be.

This book is great for the group that it serves. If you have a loved one in your life that has lost a child and you do not know how to help her deal with her traumatic loss, you will find this a good guide.

Softening the Grief earns 5 stars.  It is available if you need it and I pray you never do.

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book.  We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Book Review: Pizza With Jesus (No Black Olives): Finding Home and Grace Amid Hardship and Grief By P. J. Frick

Pizza With Jesus (No Black Olives): Finding Home and Grace Amid Hardship and Grief

By P. J. Frick

Pizza With Jesus (No Black Olives) by P. J. Frick is the rather sad story of one woman’s journey through grief.  It would seem that she is blasted at every turn with some new challenge.

If you want to read a book that will hit you like a ton of bricks, this is it.  We see God in every page.  We see Jesus with arms wide open.

This book is well-written and impactful.  We see how when the author, P. J. Frick, was at her lowest points, God sent furry little angels to rescue her.

When you sit down to read Pizza with Jesus, you will want to have at least one giant economy-sized box of tissues with you.

We give this book all five stars.

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book.  We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

 




Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Press Release: Wendy Van de Poll Releases New Book for Pet Professionals with Step-By-Step Guidelines for Providing Pet Grief Support

Wendy Van de Poll Releases New Book for Pet Professionals with Step-By-Step Guidelines for Providing Pet Grief Support

 

The Pet Professional’s Guide to Pet Loss: How to Prevent Burnout, Support Clients, and Manage the Business of Grief available on Amazon.com

Concord, NH –
Wendy Van de Poll, an international bestselling author of pet grief books for pet owners, as well as a speaker and Certified End of Life and Pet Loss Grief Coach, has released a comprehensive book for pet care professionals: The Pet Professional’s Guide to Pet Loss: How to Prevent Burnout, Support Clients, and Manage the Business of Grief.  Available on Amazon.com, the book helps veterinarians, pet sitters, groomers, dog trainers and other pet care professionals support their clients through grief, loss, and self-care without experiencing professional burnout.

Van de Poll’s life crumbled in 2013 when she received the news that Marley, her beloved Samoyed, had cancer. She, like all pet owners, was devastated to lose her best friend. During her last ten months with Marley, she did everything in her power to keep her comfortable.

“Marley taught me how to stand on my own and live a joyful life,” Van de Poll said. “This loss, and its impact on my life, inspired me to create the Center for Pet Loss Grief to help pet owners get through loss like I did.”

The Center serves pet owners going through the grieving process. It is a supportive, online community and resource for comfort, a better understanding of pet loss, and professional support for pet owners in all stages, from grief to funeral discussions and arrangements.

Van de Poll is a bestselling author who has written six books that assist pet owners with difficult emotions and transitions that come with pet loss. These books include supportive tools and compassionate guidance to help pet owners deal with their overwhelming grief. “I realized,” said Van de Poll, “that pet care professionals are key to helping pet owners during this difficult time, and the new book is intended to help those professionals.”

"Dealing with euthanasia, sudden death, dying issues, the loss of pets, and your own grief can upset the balance in your personal and professional life," explained Van de Poll. “This is why I sought to write a book that helps professionals to not only effectively support their clients within their practice through a compassionate approach but also to deal with their own grief.”

The book is available in softcover for $14.99 and Kindle for $7.99 on Amazon.com. The purchase of the book includes a free downloadable Pet Loss Grief Resource Packet with 10 Daily Loving Reminder Tips.

About Wendy Van de Poll

Wendy Van de Poll is a pioneering leader in the field of pet loss grief support. She is dedicated to providing a safe place for her clients to express their grief over the loss of their pets. A best selling author, speaker, animal communicator, and the founder of the Center for Pet Loss Grief, Van de Poll is also a Certified End-of-Life and Grief Coach, Pet Funeral Celebrant, Licensed Massage Therapist for humans and animals, and animal medium. She has a deep appreciation for animals and human interaction. Her previous books, available here, assist pet owners with the difficult emotions and transitions that come with pet loss. She also offers online courses through the Center for Pet Loss Grief on subjects including coping skills. Her latest book, The Pet Professional’s Guide to Pet Loss: How to Prevent Burnout, Support Clients, and Manage the Business of Grief, offers veterinarians, pet sitters, groomers, dog trainers and other pet care professionals the help they need to navigate times of grief with their own clients and to learn the importance of self-care in order to prevent professional burnout.

About the Center for Pet Loss Grief

The Center for Pet Loss Grief offers comprehensive support for pet owners and pet care specialists dealing with pet loss and grief. Established by Wendy Van de Poll in 2000, the online Center supports pet owners and pet professionals during the grieving process through an encouraging and compassionate community. For more information, please visit centerforpetlossgrief.com or connect with the Center for Pet Loss Grief on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Book Review: When You Lose Someone You Love written and illustrated By Joanne Fink

When You Lose Someone You Love 

Written and Illustrated by Joanne Fink

Get out the giant size box of tissues and grab your copy of When You Lose Someone You Love, written and illustrated by Joanne Fink. Prepare for a roller coaster of emotions.

This little book is designed to help one deal with the loss of a loved one.  

On our How to Manage Your Monkey website, we talk about preparing for retirement and making pre-need funeral arrangements.

But, it is impossible to plan emotionally for the loss of someone you love.  Even if their death is not a surprise, it is still hard to deal with their loss.

Perhaps When You Lose Someone You Love will help you, or someone you know, deal with a loss. There is no way to tell.  Each person is different and each loss is different.

That being said, we need to say that this little book is very well-written and helps reach those parts that are hurting and maybe helps someone who is grieving realize that their feelings, no matter what they are, are normal.

We give When You Lose Someone You Love all five stars.  We think for some people this will act like a salve to help soothe the hurts.  For others, it might not do anything.  

We suggest you buy a copy and read it before a loss takes place.  Keep a copy on hand and offer it to those you know who are going through a recent loss.

Like chicken soup when you are ill, it just might help and it probably won’t hurt. 

Note from Suz: I could relate to some of the issues and feelings Mrs. Fink shared in this book, though her loss was her husband. We are approaching the fifth anniversary of my daddy’s death. She shares some of her daughter’s words on the loss of her daddy. The wounds are still so raw from my own experience. I cried buckets reading parts of the song this girl wrote to her daddy.

This book doesn’t erase the pain. Nothing can ever fully do that, really. But, it offers understanding and a chance to not feel so alone in one’s grief.

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book.  We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Press Release: North Texas Minister Publishes Coloring Book for Grieving Children

North Texas Minister Publishes Coloring Book for Grieving Children

Rev. Penny Stemley presents gentle approach to understanding, overcoming traumatic life events

FORT WORTH, Texas (Sept. 18, 2017) – A North Texas-based Christian minister has created and published an inspirational coloring book for children that can help them to understand and overcome grief and loss. In “Butterfly Wings,” author Rev. Penny Stemley provides parents and professionals who work with kids with a gentle method for teaching young people about emotionally challenging concepts, such as death and traumatic life events.

Stemley published her book after being inspired by a young girl in her church congregation who was grieving the loss of a close family member. Based on a dream Stemley had several years prior, the book chronicles a queen’s doubt and despair after the death of her king and her ultimate healing through the power of faith and love.

“In our world, there is much destruction and devastation,” Stemley said. “As adults, it’s difficult enough to deal with grief and loss. But how do we even begin to explain the subsequent emotions to a child? My prayer is that this book will offer a sense of hope and joy to anyone who reads it and that, even in the midst of sorrow, it will bring children to a place of peace and comfort.”

With simple illustrations and easy-to-understand messaging, “Butterfly Wings” reaches out to all young people experiencing heartbreak or going through a traumatic life experience. The book presents readers with a creative and compassionate approach to processing hardships and progressively moving forward to a place of peace.

“Butterfly Wings”

By Rev. Penny Stemley

ISBN: 978-1-5127-7317-0 (paperback); 978-1-5127-7318-7 (electronic)

Available at the WestBow Press Online Bookstore, Barnes & Noble and Amazon

About the author

Rev. Penny Stemley is an ordained deacon of the United Methodist church and holds a Master of Arts in Christian Service degree from Brite Divinity School. Stemley is the founder of the Tarrant County Restorative Justice Center, a faith-based prison reentry service provider, the 2009 recipient of Christian Women United’s Shalom Award and the 2005 recipient of the George W. Bush Point of Light Award. She currently resides in Fort Worth, Texas. To learn more, please visit www.revpenny.com.

Please click image to view this and more on Amazon.com.

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Book Review: Jaybird’s Song By Kathy Wilson Florence

Jaybird’s Song

By Kathy Wilson Florence

If you like smiles, you’ll like this book. If you like books that make you cry, you’ll love this book.  All the way through, Jaybird’s Song was an emotional experience.

This book does a bit of time travel in that in one chapter, you’re in the turbulent 1960s and in the next chapter, you’re in 2003 and 2004.  This was a bit frustrating for me at first because I tend to prefer chronological order.  But, it grew on me and the back and forth rhythm became a bit of a comfort, a respite from the sad parts of one time frame or the other.

There are lots of smiles and tears shared, along with memories of events during the Civil Rights movement, integration, and personal family heartbreaks.  We get to witness some of the trials of the teenage years, some rather graphic, and those of the not-so-very young years.

Jaybird’s Song ultimately becomes about the struggle of the little girl inside of a hurting middle-aged woman, struggling to reconcile the love and the hurt of her family’s past and bringing that love - and forgiveness - forward to share with her children.

It is a great book and I give Jaybird’s Song all five stars. It has made me do a great deal of soul-searching myself.  Maybe it will do the same for you.

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book.  We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Please be sure to visit David over at Random Thoughts and Observations.

I respond to all comments on this blog, ideally within 24 hours.  Please check back here for a response to your comment.  Thank you!
 
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Book Review: Five Keys for Grieving People: An Unofficial Guide to Your New Normal by Jean Birckhead

Five Keys for Grieving People: An Unofficial Guide to Your New Normal

by Jean Birckhead

Death is a very sad part of life. When a close loved one dies, it can be like a body blow that just keeps on coming.

In her book, Five Keys for Grieving People: An Unofficial Guide to Your New Normal, Jean Birckhead tries to help those left behind deal with those body blows.

This is a very short book, which is good because when one is dealing with a recent loss they are not normally looking to read a long book about grief.  However, in those few pages, Birckhead is able to give readers what they need to help deal with their grief.

One key that Birckhead points out is to take life as slow as possible.  One thing David told grieving families when he was working with a cemetery is that, “If it is a good deal today, it will be a good deal tomorrow.” By that he meant don’t make any major decisions, financial or otherwise, right away that can be put off.

We give Five Keys for Grieving People all five stars.  It is very well-written.  It deals with the core issues and lets grieving people know that it is okay to grieve.

We think this would be a great book for churches to offer to small group classes.  A great idea would be to teach classes to those who have not yet suffered grief, as well as to those who are going through it.

When you buy your copy of Five Keys for Grieving People, why not go ahead and buy a copy to give to your church library.

We were sent a complimentary copy of this book.  We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.

We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

Notice: This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, we may financially benefit from your transaction, at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support.
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Press Release: Equitable Crowdfunding For The Ultimate Animal Lover

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