I am here, but I am not. My body is here in 2013, but my mind is many years in the past. I can remember the nail going into my foot as I ran around the tree and the Coke bottle in my toe while going for the baseball, but I can't remember whether to turn left or right at the stoplight today.
I am there, searching through the cemetery trying to find her grave or the library searching the microfiche for the paper containing her obituary, but not here aware of what is going on around me. I am stuck back there, in the past trying to revive a girl lost much too soon, leaving a little boy behind.
Here is slipping away from me and all that I seem to be able to grasp is the past. This journey is scary because I don't know where it is headed. I know where it went for my grandma and I don't want to go there. I want to be here with my family while they are here. I don't want to wander off alone and lost, even though I've never left the room.