15 July 2011

Five Minute Friday: My Dorian



Today's Five Minute Friday prompt is: Loss


This prompt was timely in many ways. Today, my Dorian would have been eighteen years old. She has celebrated all of her birthdays in Heaven, never breathing the air of this world.

I knew that she was coming, even though the pregnancy tests were negative. I could feel her. I knew she was there. Amidst all of their negativity, I knew it.

According to my calculations, when things started going wonky for my system, I was approximately twenty weeks gestation. We were in the Walmart and the bleeding went wild.

We went home. I felt the weirdest feeling, unlike any of my previous deliveries. My baby girl was born at home. Stillborn.

I had just lost my grandma three months before and now my Dorian. It was more than I could handle. I believe in many ways, what was left of "me" went with them. I would never be the same. How could I be?

The doctors told me that it was silly, that I was nuts, to still be grieving, that I should have been over it after about two weeks. Should my baby have meant so little to me, my grandma that had been with me all my life so little, that I should have been over it like that, like they were nothing? With them went also my trust of doctors.

They wait for me in a place far better than anyone could ever imagine. One day, I'll hold my baby girl and my grandma again. This is not a permanent loss. One day, there will be no more tears.

Please be sure to visit The Gypsy Mama to play along with Five Minute Friday.

3 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your losses. Those Dr.'s were fools. 2 weeks would be an unhealthily short time to grieve.

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  2. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and your grandma. I think that our grief never leaves us completely, but thank God we have the hope of eternity.

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  3. I lost my sister at three hours old when I was 11. My Mom still grieves her loss from time to time. But like you we know that they are in a far better place. And I believe that those special children were so perfect, they just needed to come here to gain a body and got to go straight back to their Father in Heaven. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and of the idiot doctors that know nothing of the instant love and bond you have for your child...no matter how many weeks gestation. They are forever a part of you, how could you not miss them. Beautiful post.

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