You're Gonna Miss This

I am sorry to have been gone so long and hope that this year has been great to you all so far. It has been a year full of pondering and reminiscing for me.

This week has two pretty big, "This is the first day of the rest of your life" moments. On Tuesday, I had my 50th birthday. Friday, David and I will be empty-nesters, at least until Christmas vacation. It will be just the two of us, the two dogs, and Xerxes the cat.

For the last couple of days, the song stuck in my head has been Trace Adkins' song, "You're Gonna Miss This".

I don't know how to feel, what to feel about all of these changes. Part of me is fine with it because I want them to be able to go on with their lives and chase their dreams. They can't do that here and asking them to stay would be the same as clipping the wings of a butterfly. But, the part of me that has been a mama with children in the house for the last nearly 30 years is not. I have been here to protect them, as best I could, since they were born...before then, really. Now, I won't be there with them to make sure no bad guys interfere with their dream chasing. How does one suddenly go from a houseful of kids to silence? How does one eat a cookie without little eyes staring back with that, "Can I have it?" look? How does one go to the bathroom without someone following you in or standing there looking at you? Will I be able to potty without an audience?

I guess, like it or not, I'll soon be finding out these things. Maybe I'll also rediscover the me that has long since been buried under the wonderful years of mommyhood, get reconnected to her, and get on with this next stage of life, chasing dreams of my own with the man of my dreams.

But for now? I'll be hiding in my room, wondering in a puddle of tears, how this time passed by so quickly and how they could possibly be old enough to live without me.




I couldn't have said it better myself.



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